( nothing about ferdinand's face seemed to betray a sense of disinterest, but it seemed to hurt to hear of akito's father's untimely end. )
Quite the opposite! I find that fascinating. Though, it is regrettable that you were made to assume such a responsibility at an early age. The way you speak of her, I am getting the impression that you were not terribly fond of your mother.
( she didn't want to discuss ren further than she had to, but ferdinand was asking her questions and she wasn't sure how to back out of this without resorting to angrily telling him to stop.
so it became clear how uncomfortable she was. she remained silent, eyes looking down at the empty tea cup as she began to fidget with the sweater she had on. perhaps if she changed things to prevent further questions-
she could always silence him with a kiss couldn't she? but for now she decided to divulge just a bit without saying the real reason for their dispute. )
She never wanted children, so my father and the house maids were the ones who raised me. We still lived together but due to how large the estate was...she lives in a completely different house on the same property.
( she paused for a moment before taking a deep breath. )
( a clever diversion! just before ferdinand was about to respond, akito turned his attention away from their uncomfortable topic. how long has it been? )
Hmm... ( however!! ) No, I recommend giving it a few more minutes. Now, where were we... Oh! I was raised by maids and servants, myself, being that my mother was the duchess and thus had important duties, but what time I did spend with my mother never made me feel like I was unwanted. I wonder, if it had been the other way around... how would that make me feel as a young child? ( he grows thoughtful for a moment but returns quickly to the topic with regards to akito. ) Is that why you harbor a certain disdain for her?
( it seemed like ferdinand was far too imposing for akito to handle properly, and while she knew she could technically ask him to leave to avoid this uncomfortable situation, she was in a predicament.
either she did that and her sweater would punish her immediately, or she had to figure out a way to both satisfy his curiosity and keep her secrets guarded. it was tricky regardless because as much as she hated her mother and didn't care about speaking poorly of her, she also wasn't necessarily looking for pity because she knew-
if she told ferdinand the real reason her mother despised her, he would know her secret. the one that still gave her any sense of control here.
so akito sighed a bit, her face clearly expressing just how uncomfortable she was. she wasn't sure what to say, so she stood up from where she was seated and moved closer to ferdinand. once she was next to him, she leaned in closer to him and spoke. )
How can you love someone who never gave you any affection or any kind words?
( if he pushed the topic, at least now she was close enough to silence him through other means. )
( for a moment after akito stood up, ferdinand wondered if he was about to leave, which also forced him to scrutinize why that could be the case a little more closely. but then, rather than moving further, he got closer. ferdinand twisted a little to look him in the eye, only to find himself drawn in by him, like there was a subtle magnetic pull when they were this close, when his striking face was the center of his vision and his voice filled his ears. like there was something pending between them amid such suffocating words, something that made his breath flow scarcer. )
Well... ( he swallowed and sought thoughtful order with his words, an edge of pain starting at his expression as he was piecing akito's strained childhood together bit by precious bit. ) It would make loving that person very difficult, that much I am sure. And it would hurt deeply to feel unwanted, especially by your own mother.
the last person who tried it only drew her violent rage. yet there was something in what he said that did touch her, drew out a more sensitive side to her.
with a soft breath, she reached out to touch a strand of his hair, rising it up with her fingers to look at it. clearly she was trying to change the subject now. )
We met so fast…I never really got a chance to look at you clearly. Have you always worn your hair this long?
( the unexpected compliment widened his blinking eyes, but to have a lock of his long, wavy hair taken as he is examined took him even more off-guard. his attention was, at least temporarily, diverted in the direction akito had wanted. )
No. I used to keep it rather short, actually. ( he smoothed his fingers through the length at the back, a watery smile forming on his lips. ) I had been so occupied ever since the war started that I stopped minding it, and now, I have gotten quite used to it. What do you think? Do you like it?
( it seemed perhaps that her plan had succeeded for now, and that he had a weakness she could exploit. men were such amusing creatures like that, it was a thought she couldn't help but ruminate upon.
most of her negative thoughts about others revolved around women specifically, but she knew how to use her femineity and sexuality as a weapon to get what she wanted. unfortunately it seemed she had to play nice with this one-
even if in this moment she truly was just being needy for comfort and affection after everything that happened. )
It suits you, the color is quite beautiful as well...I'm envious really.
( was she flattering him up to distract him? yes, and if it worked she would continue on. in fact, she even brought up the lock of hair to her lips, placing a kiss upon it. )
( the token of affection pressed to his hair did a nice job of making him flush. he was quite a romantic, and this, well... coming from someone like akito, so sparing in such gestures, it was staggering. )
Have you... ever tried growing out your hair? Because I think that, with a face so captivating as yours, you would be absolutely stunning.
( if ferdinand was surprised at her gesture, she was just as surprised at his compliment. it came from a place of perceived kindness, a returned gift from her own compliment. it was strange for her to experience this-
typically those under her or even shigure weren't as open with compliments. for them it was all domination and saying things that would placate her anger.
she was so shocked by this, she simply released his hair and looked off towards the kitchen, opting to switch the subject yet again. )
( now, ferdinand isn't so dense that he can't pick up on the fact that akito keeps using the tea as a convenient topic switch-out, possibly, he strongly suspects, when he is making him uncomfortable for some reason. why the compliment? is he not used to receiving any?
...
given that one of the few facts he has of akito is the fact that his mother failed to show any warmth to him, he can't help but wonder if the two things are related. it seems as though his relationship with his father had been better, given he actually took the time to raise him, but it had been so tragically cut short. childhood plays a heavy hand in shaping people.
though endlessly curious about this enigmatic, delicate young man, ferdinand withholds confronting him on this clear tactic used to divert his attention away from him. the tea should be done right now, anyway. )
Yes, I believe it has steeped to a sufficient degree by now. I shall be right back.
( he rises up to go tend to the tea, remove the leaves and bring the pot over. he pours the tea carefully into each cup, its fragrance soothing with lavender and bright with citrus. )
Would you like yours with any honey? I find that it is quite delightful that way, but it is also fine on its own accord.
( the moment ferdinand rose up to grab the tea, akito let out a soft sigh of relief. so far it seemed that whatever ferdinand had been feeling about her and the situation, hadn't quite triggered her sweater to tighten up on her.
as for akito, she was truly feeling unsure of herself and this situation. she wasn't used to genuine compliments, and the suggestion to grow out her hair made things difficult. such an act would affirm what she was desperately trying to hide and she wasn't a fan of such long dark hair-
her mother had that after all. it was only when ferdinand spoke again that she seemed to snap out of whatever trance she was in and looked up. )
Honey, yes I'll take it. I suppose...you're a big fan of tea then?
( it was painfully clear she was trying to keep things about tea. )
( ferdinand remained oblivious to just how much akito was trying to veer away from more uncomfortable subjects using tea as bait, especially when he did, in fact, like tea quite a lot, and was perfectly happy to talk about it. he adds tea to both of their drinks. )
I am, yes! It is an exceptional beverage, don't you think? Versatile enough to suit different palates, a wide range of flavor profiles... and it makes for a relaxing ritual to share with someone. ( like you, akito!! the look he gave seemed to say. ) It was quite popular where I am from.
( even if ferdinand hadn't intended on revealing much to akito tonight, with the way he reacted to certain things she said, she saw ways to distract and manipulate him-
all without resorting to the usual tactics she followed back home. back in such a structured environment, where she alone stood at the top. here she was nothing, and yet so much was expected of her. it was a terrible pressure on her, that led them both to be here.
talking about tea, being vulnerable. it was a thought that ruminated in her mind as he returned back with the tea and spoke on about it. his subtle hint there at the end, about sharing tea with her brought about a sigh. if he really knew what she was like....would he even be here? )
It seems that regardless of world, powers, or people, tea seems to be popular anywhere. I actually met someone from a strange world with magic who sells magic infused teas.
lmao we both know he did not add tea to both of their drinks in the last tag I wrote. HONEY!!!
( mentioning this brightens ferdinand even more. )
I have noticed that, too! Tea being one of the more ubiquitous things among those of us from vastly different places does, admittedly, bring me some comfort. But magic-infused teas? Now I am curious. Did they describe the sorts of effects that were infused in the teas?
I'm not really sure, but what I bought was specifically made for me. I asked for teas to help me with sleep and some issues I was having.
( yet again she was being far too vulnerable than she wanted to be but she couldn't seem to help it.
in his own unique way, with the comfort he provided to her at first and with how kind he was being, he was truly getting to her. this was far beyond her just trying to obey her punishment's terms. there was some sense of guilt however, because he reminded her far too much of a certain rooster. she never thought that she would meet someone else like him. )
Perhaps you should pay a visit, they're sold at the Bunny's brew and botanical burrow.
Thank you for the information. I will definitely check it out sometime.
( while he's always happy to talk about tea, ferdinand's focus migrated back to akito and all of the problems they seemed to be having. he tested his first sip of tea, decided it's still a bit too hot, and set it back down, his face slowly drawing up more of the concern and curiosity that he was feeling. )
I hope that the teas have proven effective. Sleep can be hard to come by, especially when burdened by worries and problems. What else has been troubling you, Akito?
( with a soft sigh of relief, akito's attention turned to the tea before her. for now it seemed she was safe from divulging too much into her affairs and the health issues she had been having.
yet like a snarling dog, ferdinand immediately returned the focus back onto her. while she was starting to begin to enjoy his company because he had done what she wanted, now he was starting to push it. )
I don't really want to talk about it.
( her voice is lower now, and avoiding his gaze she immediately drank from her cup. it was scorching hot but she pushed through it for the sake of avoiding this uncomfortable situation. )
( ferdinand sighs, caught between the desperation to understand and to help, and to respect akito's request. strain appears on the face that he makes. )
I am really worried about you. I mean, look at you, and... ( he gestures to akito, and continues on earnestly. ) I feel as though there is something more beneath the surface of what you have already told me. I do not wish to cast any judgment on you for what you are going through, I just wish that I could do something more than merely make you tea and keep you company. Especially since you seem so... alone.
( with the cup now set down, she turned towards ferdinand with a rather angry expression on her face. she wanted his comfort and attention, this much was true, but she didn't want to be pitied. to be looked down upon, look as a sullen person who needed love out of a sense of obligation.
she rose up, this time moving away from the table and towards a window in the apartment. there she looked outside, seeing the up with eyes of disgust. finally after a moment of silence, she spoke, turning her head to ferdinand. )
Alone, what a genius observation really-
and what will you do once you get to know me better? Will you be by my side day and night and cure my loneliness? Hold and kiss my tears away? Or will you abandon me once you grow bored with me? Is that what you see? A project to fix?
I shouldn't have asked you to come. You can't ever understand me, let alone come to care for me.
( the outburst shocked ferdinand, whose spine straightened and eyes widened blinkingly. for a bit, he stayed put, eyes on him as he moved toward the window, where he spewed hypotheticals and accusations about his intent and character. heated as he was growing with each one, ferdinand needed to move, to somehow prove and defend himself, and so he rose from his spot and began to come closer, but not too close. )
You cannot say that when you spurn my attempts to understand whatever it is you refuse to allow! Otherwise, you have no proof that I could never do that. You are not a project, Akito. You are a person...
( although rage and her ever festering annoyance had overtaken all reason, it was there when ferdinand rose up and approached her, that akito knew she had messed up.
it didn't take very long, but the sweater she had on was slowly starting to tighten. the fabric began to compress, almost shrinking down in size but the process was slow enough for akito not to notice it immediately. )
A person? You don't know what I truly am.
( she nearly wanted to yell out what she truly was-
the god of the zodiac, head of a family full of cursed people and their only salvation was her. however she knew that would bring about its own set of troubles. so she moved back instead, her arm waving out as if to get him to step back. )
You say you'll understand me, but you won't ever. I don't need your pity...
( ferdinand watched, mouth agape as the sweater he had on began to shrink before his eyes while akito continued to rebuke his desire to help, to form a stronger bond. at first, he wondered if he was seeing things, but the longer he stared, the more he was sure that this was no trick of the light. )
Akito, your sweater...
( but how strange! and for a moment, he could swear that the form he was looking at struck him as more of a young woman than the young man he had assumed him to be. )
( just as akito was about to spew more hateful and resistant words to ferdinand, to get him to leave and let her be, the punishment she was wearing was starting to act. she had been told that if she got near other dominants, the sweater would shock her. that she had to behave around submissives and make them feel content around her. if she failed to do so, the sweater would begin to shrink until she 'fixed' the issue.
while anyone else wouldn't have cared deeply about the outcome of the sweater getting tighter and would care more about the pain of it, akito genuinely didn't want anyone to know what she was hiding. so she immediately began to move closer to ferdinand, her arms covering her body as much as possible but it was clear that the 'man' before him, was rather feminine. )
I'm sorry....okay? I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said....I just don't want....
( her right hand immediately rose up to rest on his shoulder, fingers squeezing ferdinand softly, almost begging. )
( this was quite the tumultuous exchange, and ferdinand struggled to keep up with both his thoughts, his observations, and his emotions. one moment, akito's spines had activated and forbade him from getting close, and the next, they were retracted, and akito came running to him halfway into an embrace the moment that his - her? - sweater got mentioned.
...
the arm belonging to the shoulder that akito squeezed cautiously draped over him, hand resting atop his back in a show of reassurance and support. )
It is all right. I mean you no ill will. I wish that I knew how to demonstrate that effectively. But... I suppose that is something that comes with time. I owe you an apology as well. I should have respected your desire to keep your personal matters to yourself.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Quite the opposite! I find that fascinating. Though, it is regrettable that you were made to assume such a responsibility at an early age. The way you speak of her, I am getting the impression that you were not terribly fond of your mother.
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so it became clear how uncomfortable she was. she remained silent, eyes looking down at the empty tea cup as she began to fidget with the sweater she had on. perhaps if she changed things to prevent further questions-
she could always silence him with a kiss couldn't she? but for now she decided to divulge just a bit without saying the real reason for their dispute. )
She never wanted children, so my father and the house maids were the ones who raised me. We still lived together but due to how large the estate was...she lives in a completely different house on the same property.
( she paused for a moment before taking a deep breath. )
The tea...it should be ready, right?
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Hmm... ( however!! ) No, I recommend giving it a few more minutes. Now, where were we... Oh! I was raised by maids and servants, myself, being that my mother was the duchess and thus had important duties, but what time I did spend with my mother never made me feel like I was unwanted. I wonder, if it had been the other way around... how would that make me feel as a young child? ( he grows thoughtful for a moment but returns quickly to the topic with regards to akito. ) Is that why you harbor a certain disdain for her?
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either she did that and her sweater would punish her immediately, or she had to figure out a way to both satisfy his curiosity and keep her secrets guarded. it was tricky regardless because as much as she hated her mother and didn't care about speaking poorly of her, she also wasn't necessarily looking for pity because she knew-
if she told ferdinand the real reason her mother despised her, he would know her secret. the one that still gave her any sense of control here.
so akito sighed a bit, her face clearly expressing just how uncomfortable she was. she wasn't sure what to say, so she stood up from where she was seated and moved closer to ferdinand. once she was next to him, she leaned in closer to him and spoke. )
How can you love someone who never gave you any affection or any kind words?
( if he pushed the topic, at least now she was close enough to silence him through other means. )
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Well... ( he swallowed and sought thoughtful order with his words, an edge of pain starting at his expression as he was piecing akito's strained childhood together bit by precious bit. ) It would make loving that person very difficult, that much I am sure. And it would hurt deeply to feel unwanted, especially by your own mother.
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( she didn’t care to be sympathized with-
the last person who tried it only drew her violent rage. yet there was something in what he said that did touch her, drew out a more sensitive side to her.
with a soft breath, she reached out to touch a strand of his hair, rising it up with her fingers to look at it. clearly she was trying to change the subject now. )
We met so fast…I never really got a chance to look at you clearly. Have you always worn your hair this long?
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No. I used to keep it rather short, actually. ( he smoothed his fingers through the length at the back, a watery smile forming on his lips. ) I had been so occupied ever since the war started that I stopped minding it, and now, I have gotten quite used to it. What do you think? Do you like it?
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most of her negative thoughts about others revolved around women specifically, but she knew how to use her femineity and sexuality as a weapon to get what she wanted. unfortunately it seemed she had to play nice with this one-
even if in this moment she truly was just being needy for comfort and affection after everything that happened. )
It suits you, the color is quite beautiful as well...I'm envious really.
( was she flattering him up to distract him? yes, and if it worked she would continue on. in fact, she even brought up the lock of hair to her lips, placing a kiss upon it. )
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Have you... ever tried growing out your hair? Because I think that, with a face so captivating as yours, you would be absolutely stunning.
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typically those under her or even shigure weren't as open with compliments. for them it was all domination and saying things that would placate her anger.
she was so shocked by this, she simply released his hair and looked off towards the kitchen, opting to switch the subject yet again. )
The tea...surely it's ready by now?
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...
given that one of the few facts he has of akito is the fact that his mother failed to show any warmth to him, he can't help but wonder if the two things are related. it seems as though his relationship with his father had been better, given he actually took the time to raise him, but it had been so tragically cut short. childhood plays a heavy hand in shaping people.
though endlessly curious about this enigmatic, delicate young man, ferdinand withholds confronting him on this clear tactic used to divert his attention away from him. the tea should be done right now, anyway. )
Yes, I believe it has steeped to a sufficient degree by now. I shall be right back.
( he rises up to go tend to the tea, remove the leaves and bring the pot over. he pours the tea carefully into each cup, its fragrance soothing with lavender and bright with citrus. )
Would you like yours with any honey? I find that it is quite delightful that way, but it is also fine on its own accord.
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as for akito, she was truly feeling unsure of herself and this situation. she wasn't used to genuine compliments, and the suggestion to grow out her hair made things difficult. such an act would affirm what she was desperately trying to hide and she wasn't a fan of such long dark hair-
her mother had that after all. it was only when ferdinand spoke again that she seemed to snap out of whatever trance she was in and looked up. )
Honey, yes I'll take it. I suppose...you're a big fan of tea then?
( it was painfully clear she was trying to keep things about tea. )
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I am, yes! It is an exceptional beverage, don't you think? Versatile enough to suit different palates, a wide range of flavor profiles... and it makes for a relaxing ritual to share with someone. ( like you, akito!! the look he gave seemed to say. ) It was quite popular where I am from.
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all without resorting to the usual tactics she followed back home. back in such a structured environment, where she alone stood at the top. here she was nothing, and yet so much was expected of her. it was a terrible pressure on her, that led them both to be here.
talking about tea, being vulnerable. it was a thought that ruminated in her mind as he returned back with the tea and spoke on about it. his subtle hint there at the end, about sharing tea with her brought about a sigh. if he really knew what she was like....would he even be here? )
It seems that regardless of world, powers, or people, tea seems to be popular anywhere. I actually met someone from a strange world with magic who sells magic infused teas.
lmao we both know he did not add tea to both of their drinks in the last tag I wrote. HONEY!!!
I have noticed that, too! Tea being one of the more ubiquitous things among those of us from vastly different places does, admittedly, bring me some comfort. But magic-infused teas? Now I am curious. Did they describe the sorts of effects that were infused in the teas?
no worries!
( yet again she was being far too vulnerable than she wanted to be but she couldn't seem to help it.
in his own unique way, with the comfort he provided to her at first and with how kind he was being, he was truly getting to her. this was far beyond her just trying to obey her punishment's terms. there was some sense of guilt however, because he reminded her far too much of a certain rooster. she never thought that she would meet someone else like him. )
Perhaps you should pay a visit, they're sold at the Bunny's brew and botanical burrow.
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( while he's always happy to talk about tea, ferdinand's focus migrated back to akito and all of the problems they seemed to be having. he tested his first sip of tea, decided it's still a bit too hot, and set it back down, his face slowly drawing up more of the concern and curiosity that he was feeling. )
I hope that the teas have proven effective. Sleep can be hard to come by, especially when burdened by worries and problems. What else has been troubling you, Akito?
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yet like a snarling dog, ferdinand immediately returned the focus back onto her. while she was starting to begin to enjoy his company because he had done what she wanted, now he was starting to push it. )
I don't really want to talk about it.
( her voice is lower now, and avoiding his gaze she immediately drank from her cup. it was scorching hot but she pushed through it for the sake of avoiding this uncomfortable situation. )
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I am really worried about you. I mean, look at you, and... ( he gestures to akito, and continues on earnestly. ) I feel as though there is something more beneath the surface of what you have already told me. I do not wish to cast any judgment on you for what you are going through, I just wish that I could do something more than merely make you tea and keep you company. Especially since you seem so... alone.
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( with the cup now set down, she turned towards ferdinand with a rather angry expression on her face. she wanted his comfort and attention, this much was true, but she didn't want to be pitied. to be looked down upon, look as a sullen person who needed love out of a sense of obligation.
she rose up, this time moving away from the table and towards a window in the apartment. there she looked outside, seeing the up with eyes of disgust. finally after a moment of silence, she spoke, turning her head to ferdinand. )
Alone, what a genius observation really-
and what will you do once you get to know me better? Will you be by my side day and night and cure my loneliness? Hold and kiss my tears away? Or will you abandon me once you grow bored with me? Is that what you see? A project to fix?
I shouldn't have asked you to come. You can't ever understand me, let alone come to care for me.
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You cannot say that when you spurn my attempts to understand whatever it is you refuse to allow! Otherwise, you have no proof that I could never do that. You are not a project, Akito. You are a person...
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it didn't take very long, but the sweater she had on was slowly starting to tighten. the fabric began to compress, almost shrinking down in size but the process was slow enough for akito not to notice it immediately. )
A person? You don't know what I truly am.
( she nearly wanted to yell out what she truly was-
the god of the zodiac, head of a family full of cursed people and their only salvation was her. however she knew that would bring about its own set of troubles. so she moved back instead, her arm waving out as if to get him to step back. )
You say you'll understand me, but you won't ever. I don't need your pity...
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Akito, your sweater...
( but how strange! and for a moment, he could swear that the form he was looking at struck him as more of a young woman than the young man he had assumed him to be. )
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while anyone else wouldn't have cared deeply about the outcome of the sweater getting tighter and would care more about the pain of it, akito genuinely didn't want anyone to know what she was hiding. so she immediately began to move closer to ferdinand, her arms covering her body as much as possible but it was clear that the 'man' before him, was rather feminine. )
I'm sorry....okay? I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said....I just don't want....
( her right hand immediately rose up to rest on his shoulder, fingers squeezing ferdinand softly, almost begging. )
You to hurt me.
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...
the arm belonging to the shoulder that akito squeezed cautiously draped over him, hand resting atop his back in a show of reassurance and support. )
It is all right. I mean you no ill will. I wish that I knew how to demonstrate that effectively. But... I suppose that is something that comes with time. I owe you an apology as well. I should have respected your desire to keep your personal matters to yourself.
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Crawls out of the earth......