Then... if that is the case, why do I still want to?
[Is he overstepping? Should he just shut his big mouth and stop going on and on about kissing? He's already walking himself into a corner, here, being arguably too nosy about who she has kissed, bringing up feelings he has about kissing her when maybe she has moved far past that, possibly finds the idea unpalatable, uncomfortable, but isn't outright telling him so. He gazes at her like she has the power to squash his heart with just a word, and continues, perhaps, making it worse for himself by being his earnest self.]
There is no gas. Nothing suggestible in our tea. [He presses his palm to his heart.] Just... me, looking at you, butterflies in my chest at the thought of getting the chance to seal your lips with a kiss, too... Ah... am I saying too much?
Y-yes! [ she protests on a little squeak, hands lifting to cover her burning cheeks. She'd averted her eyes even before he finished speaking, and even now she doesn't know how she can look at him again. All that is... definitely too much. It's too much! ]
I mean... I guess you already said so earlier, but... I didn't think you really meant it. Not that I thought you were lying! I know you'd never lie. But maybe you didn't want me to feel bad? But you're saying this, and... [ She doesn't know what to do. She looks down and takes a slow breath. ]
If you still want to, I still want to, too. I know that gas was... strange, but... Even if you must think I'm weird now, because of - because of everything here, and at home, and everyone, but... I do like you, you know? You've been more patient with me than most other people would have wanted to be, so... [ A glance up, just to check if he was still looking at her - (he probably is, and she's intimidated beyond belief.) ] What I mean is, I have that feeling too. The... the butterflies. Like you said. Sorry.
[Indeed, he is still looking at her, listening to her every word until he is sure that she's finished saying what she wanted to. Her spouting an affirmation that he was indeed saying too much instilled him with a bit of shock, despite suspecting so, and he began to worry that he'd gone and made a similar mistake.
It hurts a little, not to have his declaration taken seriously. But this is Bernadetta, and she always seemed quick to jump to the worst in people, from doubting positive intentions to outright thinking they were out to get her. That's not her fault. While she's been growing and changing in many ways, some instincts are difficult to disregard. He shouldn't take it personally.
But in the end, she reassures him that he's not alone in wanting to share a kiss. Whether she would still go to the bedroom with him like they had both been insinuating is another matter entirely, but right now... this is more than enough. And if she can be comfortable in sharing simple tokens of physical affection, like hugs and kisses, then it might be easier for her to feel like she can be at ease with him for relying on him for quota, and he could rely on her, too. His smile comes back from a sober retreat to gleam warmly in his liquid sunshine eyes.]
And I will continue to be patient with you until the end. I like you, too. Very much. And I do not think anything less of you for everything that has happened to you. For what is now happening to us...
[A pause, and then... he too averts his eyes down to the table as he gathers his courage.]
[ The problem with all this talk of kissing is that, until now, it's all just been talk. There's been nothing nothing to indicate that actual action would follow - not right this minute. She imagined, maybe, it would happen the next time they're caught in one of the city's tricks. Gas again, or something similar? Something they can't quite escape, and she knows it'll be okay to ask for his help then, because he sincerely wants to kiss her and be with her and help her with things - hasn't he just reassured her of all that now?
But now he's asking to kiss her anyway, setting everything else aside. Even though she's awkward and been jumping to the wrong conclusions all day, even after she'd admitted she's been kissed before. He must truly be okay with all that somehow? Of course he is. It's Ferdinand.
So Bernie nods once, slowly, looking over at him when he's glancing away - until he glances back at her and she nods again - much more resolutely. ]
Okay. Um. Yes! I... [ She chews on her lower lip nervously, afraid she'll say something wrong and send him running this time. What if she did poorly? She won't do poorly. She hopes it'll be something she can think of fondly. ]
I'd really like that.
[ Their little tea table is small. Every time she shifts, she feels her knees touch his, and that only magnifies when she leans forward carefully. One of her hands reaches for his so she can hold and gently pull at the sleeve at his wrist, while the other settles on the surface of the table as she turns her face up expectantly. She might be a klutz, but she's going to actively make sure she spills no tea on either of them today. ]
[Here it comes. His very first kiss! There can be no going back now.
Ferdinand had never pictured it would happen like this, either. In his daydreams it would be in after a dance, or during a romantic stroll through a moonlit garden. It might have even been on the battlefield, tempestuous and dramatic, perhaps something akin to how Bernadetta's lips found Yuri's... but as reality would have it, battle had always been squarely a matter of life or death for him, and even off the battlefield he would be preparing for the next one so tirelessly that he could scarcely focus on pursuing any romantic notions he had. This, however...
...is just as fine as anything he might have envisioned. He forgets the daily duress of Duplicity mandating them to get comfortable engaging in acts far beyond mere kisses even with strangers, that the line down her collared neck means anything, and even that this is coming to a head after a prior interaction he had botched in the heat of the moment and his own nerves. All of his attention is siphoned into Bernadetta herself, the way their legs press as she moves to take his sleeve, how it pulls on his heartstrings when she does... and finally, how charming she looks tilting up at him in invitation to take her sweet little lips...
He is utterly beside himself. Carefully, as if moving even a finger the wrong way could shatter the moment, he leans in to meet her, closes his hand delicately over the wrist belonging to the one fastened to his sleeve, shuts his eyes once he's sure he's aiming true, and fits his mouth against hers like the butterfly of his heart landing upon a flower, her petal-soft lips brushing against such a sensitive place sending an astonishingly powerful sensation through his nerves. His hold on her wrist tightens and trembles. He forgets even to breathe...]
[ The reality might not be quite as perfect as Ferdinand imagines - Bernadetta's lips are not dry, but they are a little chapped from constantly worrying and chewing on the lower one when her thoughts overwhelm her. Her fingers, too, aren't quite so delicate - they're quite calloused from years of obsessive needlework, then bow-faire, then lancework, and stablework. She tastes only of the tea they've both sipped at - certainly nothing special to write stories and songs about, she thinks.
All these thoughts rattle around her head as he kisses her so very gently - and she hopes she isn't a boring or a disappointing kiss at all; she knows for a fact that he must expect something... beautiful. She hopes what she can give him here, in this quiet little teashop in the middle of the day, is... well... just enough.
And... he's very still, isn't he? Was he afraid? She feels his grip tighten on her wrist - so he isn't dead, probably, maybe? - and that spurs her to move. Just a little, a slight slant of her mouth against his, and the barest of movements to open up a fraction so they can share a breath, and then close them again over his lower lip. ]
[He finds himself wanting to linger in this moment, and as she moves, he sighs a breath into his lungs through his nose and hums softly as he appreciates the warmth, the texture of her lips brushing against his, how it fires in his nerves so wonderfully, how they taste like the very tea they concocted together, which is quite poetic. Any and all notions or fantasies about what kissing someone must be like has fallen away and been surmounted by this moment in time, with Bernadetta, who he learned beside, fought battles beside, had the great fortune of getting to befriend as she learned at her pace to come out of her shell a little more. She is so precious to him, and his heart could burst thinking about it.
There does come a point where it feels like it could be going on for a bit too long, and after one deeper press of his lips into hers, he breaks the kiss to look into her eyes, his face flushed and his expression steeped in fondness and wonder.]
I am... so glad. That I got to know you while kissing you, too. Let's get married!
[ He draws away eventually - and Bernie finds she can meet his eyes for a moment. Just for as long as he needs to finish speaking. The moment he's said what he needs to, she turns bright red and looks down. He can't just say things like that and look at her like that! She feels like her heart might explode out of her chest. ]
Oh! I'm really glad too. I... [ She shifts about, bites down on her lower lip nervously, trying to temper the flustered little smile she feels bubbling up from her. ] I thought you might... [ Leave her here, be disappointed, something. ] Well, I'm just really happy you liked it. I think.
[ Her eyes dart up as if to check, as if she'd be able to see whether he liked it or not, just from his expression. Whatever she sees there just makes her smile. ]
... Happy birthday, I suppose. I hope that was a good, extra present.
[Bernadetta's self-conscious little smile she fights as she speaks melts his heart, and he wishes he could see what it might look like if she backed down on suppressing it. There is no indication on Ferdinand's face whatsoever that he disliked it even one bit.]
It was... I feel positively spoiled by you, Bernadetta. [He slides his hand from her wrist to take hers in a gentle squeeze and chuckles at something.] I liked it quite a bit. There is some irony to be found here, though, is there not? My very first kiss, given to me by the woman whose betrothal I resisted so long ago...
W-well. It's not like you had a choice. I think it wouldn't have gone through anyway - those things aren't exactly decided by us. [ Or so she thinks. That's how it worked for her - she was offered, and the offer was either accepted or rejected. All she had to do was make herself as appealing as possible - and clearly she wasn't appealing enough for Ferdinand's family. She turns quiet and looks down at the teacup, a fingertip tracing over the rim. ]
I guess... I'm just glad we can decide to do things we want here. Not always, sometimes we don't even have a choice, but we can figure things out, you know?
So, um, even if it's ironic... I hope it was nice. And that you get even better ones now that you know it's not that bad!
[Except he had some significant sway in his choice... which says more about his parents. The sweet smile he gives her gains a bitter tinge as he remembers them while cast in a fonder light, that while concerned for their prestigious family's position and future, they also cared about their son's personal feelings, too. Did Count Varley even once consider hers?
They're gone now. Done away with, no longer participants in shaping Fodlan's future. Duplicity did not give them more freedom in this capacity: they fought for it themselves. If anything, Duplicity is further imposing a barrier to certain relations... He's not sure if Bernadetta can see the invisible one standing between them now.]
It was lovely. I would absolutely do it again.
[With her, he hopes, again. In Duplicity, it feels as though the closest thing to any relationship that should culminate into marriage is impossible for them. It isn't even an option. At the very least, no one is going to blink an eye at two Submissives holding hands and kissing in the corner of a tea room. Though, thanks in part to Duplicity's influence, that is why they felt emboldened enough to do this, knowing that this sort of intimacy bleeds outside of the relationships they both were used to confining them in... even without the prospect of marriage hovering over their heads. Just pure, physical affection, a type of romantic feeling floating within him he can't seem to pen in. It isn't the first time he's felt this way since coming here, and perhaps that part of it is most confusing of all. What is he supposed to do with them all?
Oh. Well, so much of this place is still terrifying! [ Her eyes grow wide at the thought that he might think she's brave or confident about what awaits them, here. She isn't! She could never be, without a little help. ]
But if I weren't even a little bit optimistic, I think I'd just... Well, you know me. I'd be a mess. [ She tries to laugh it off, fiddling with her the hem of her sweater. Honestly, she's still sort of a disaster. Maybe finding a contract was the one good thing she'd managed to do here - but... today's the last day of the month. Bernie knew what that meant - she'd probably have to be taken to the center over the next week or so. It was half a choice, and half not - it's not like it's easy to seek people out, find ways to sleep with them. Actually ask. Not once, but three times? So she simply hadn't. But no one had to know that.
She gives Ferdinand a little smile. ]
It's starting to get a little easier, though, with you and Hubert around.
[Her smile and her response prompts a smile out of him in turn.]
You have the right of it. I see no sense in drooping with the weight of the pessimism this place seems to bear upon people. I, too, would be worse for the wear without you and Hubert around. I will never take that for granted.
[He'd wanted to add Annette, but can't for obvious reasons. Who knows? Maybe she was experiencing something similar to what he went through? Of course, it may also be for the best that she not come back at all.]
There is so much to discover, too. About people from completely different lands... I find that in particular quite thrilling.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Is he overstepping? Should he just shut his big mouth and stop going on and on about kissing? He's already walking himself into a corner, here, being arguably too nosy about who she has kissed, bringing up feelings he has about kissing her when maybe she has moved far past that, possibly finds the idea unpalatable, uncomfortable, but isn't outright telling him so. He gazes at her like she has the power to squash his heart with just a word, and continues, perhaps, making it worse for himself by being his earnest self.]
There is no gas. Nothing suggestible in our tea. [He presses his palm to his heart.] Just... me, looking at you, butterflies in my chest at the thought of getting the chance to seal your lips with a kiss, too... Ah... am I saying too much?
no subject
I mean... I guess you already said so earlier, but... I didn't think you really meant it. Not that I thought you were lying! I know you'd never lie. But maybe you didn't want me to feel bad? But you're saying this, and... [ She doesn't know what to do. She looks down and takes a slow breath. ]
If you still want to, I still want to, too. I know that gas was... strange, but... Even if you must think I'm weird now, because of - because of everything here, and at home, and everyone, but... I do like you, you know? You've been more patient with me than most other people would have wanted to be, so... [ A glance up, just to check if he was still looking at her - (he probably is, and she's intimidated beyond belief.) ] What I mean is, I have that feeling too. The... the butterflies. Like you said. Sorry.
no subject
It hurts a little, not to have his declaration taken seriously. But this is Bernadetta, and she always seemed quick to jump to the worst in people, from doubting positive intentions to outright thinking they were out to get her. That's not her fault. While she's been growing and changing in many ways, some instincts are difficult to disregard. He shouldn't take it personally.
But in the end, she reassures him that he's not alone in wanting to share a kiss. Whether she would still go to the bedroom with him like they had both been insinuating is another matter entirely, but right now... this is more than enough. And if she can be comfortable in sharing simple tokens of physical affection, like hugs and kisses, then it might be easier for her to feel like she can be at ease with him for relying on him for quota, and he could rely on her, too. His smile comes back from a sober retreat to gleam warmly in his liquid sunshine eyes.]
And I will continue to be patient with you until the end. I like you, too. Very much. And I do not think anything less of you for everything that has happened to you. For what is now happening to us...
[A pause, and then... he too averts his eyes down to the table as he gathers his courage.]
May I... ...kiss you?
no subject
But now he's asking to kiss her anyway, setting everything else aside. Even though she's awkward and been jumping to the wrong conclusions all day, even after she'd admitted she's been kissed before. He must truly be okay with all that somehow? Of course he is. It's Ferdinand.
So Bernie nods once, slowly, looking over at him when he's glancing away - until he glances back at her and she nods again - much more resolutely. ]
Okay. Um. Yes! I... [ She chews on her lower lip nervously, afraid she'll say something wrong and send him running this time. What if she did poorly? She won't do poorly. She hopes it'll be something she can think of fondly. ]
I'd really like that.
[ Their little tea table is small. Every time she shifts, she feels her knees touch his, and that only magnifies when she leans forward carefully. One of her hands reaches for his so she can hold and gently pull at the sleeve at his wrist, while the other settles on the surface of the table as she turns her face up expectantly. She might be a klutz, but she's going to actively make sure she spills no tea on either of them today. ]
no subject
Ferdinand had never pictured it would happen like this, either. In his daydreams it would be in after a dance, or during a romantic stroll through a moonlit garden. It might have even been on the battlefield, tempestuous and dramatic, perhaps something akin to how Bernadetta's lips found Yuri's... but as reality would have it, battle had always been squarely a matter of life or death for him, and even off the battlefield he would be preparing for the next one so tirelessly that he could scarcely focus on pursuing any romantic notions he had. This, however...
...is just as fine as anything he might have envisioned. He forgets the daily duress of Duplicity mandating them to get comfortable engaging in acts far beyond mere kisses even with strangers, that the line down her collared neck means anything, and even that this is coming to a head after a prior interaction he had botched in the heat of the moment and his own nerves. All of his attention is siphoned into Bernadetta herself, the way their legs press as she moves to take his sleeve, how it pulls on his heartstrings when she does... and finally, how charming she looks tilting up at him in invitation to take her sweet little lips...
He is utterly beside himself. Carefully, as if moving even a finger the wrong way could shatter the moment, he leans in to meet her, closes his hand delicately over the wrist belonging to the one fastened to his sleeve, shuts his eyes once he's sure he's aiming true, and fits his mouth against hers like the butterfly of his heart landing upon a flower, her petal-soft lips brushing against such a sensitive place sending an astonishingly powerful sensation through his nerves. His hold on her wrist tightens and trembles. He forgets even to breathe...]
no subject
All these thoughts rattle around her head as he kisses her so very gently - and she hopes she isn't a boring or a disappointing kiss at all; she knows for a fact that he must expect something... beautiful. She hopes what she can give him here, in this quiet little teashop in the middle of the day, is... well... just enough.
And... he's very still, isn't he? Was he afraid? She feels his grip tighten on her wrist - so he isn't dead, probably, maybe? - and that spurs her to move. Just a little, a slight slant of her mouth against his, and the barest of movements to open up a fraction so they can share a breath, and then close them again over his lower lip. ]
no subject
There does come a point where it feels like it could be going on for a bit too long, and after one deeper press of his lips into hers, he breaks the kiss to look into her eyes, his face flushed and his expression steeped in fondness and wonder.]
I am... so glad. That I got to know you while kissing you, too.
Let's get married!no subject
Oh! I'm really glad too. I... [ She shifts about, bites down on her lower lip nervously, trying to temper the flustered little smile she feels bubbling up from her. ] I thought you might... [ Leave her here, be disappointed, something. ] Well, I'm just really happy you liked it. I think.
[ Her eyes dart up as if to check, as if she'd be able to see whether he liked it or not, just from his expression. Whatever she sees there just makes her smile. ]
... Happy birthday, I suppose. I hope that was a good, extra present.
no subject
It was... I feel positively spoiled by you, Bernadetta. [He slides his hand from her wrist to take hers in a gentle squeeze and chuckles at something.] I liked it quite a bit. There is some irony to be found here, though, is there not? My very first kiss, given to me by the woman whose betrothal I resisted so long ago...
no subject
I guess... I'm just glad we can decide to do things we want here. Not always, sometimes we don't even have a choice, but we can figure things out, you know?
So, um, even if it's ironic... I hope it was nice. And that you get even better ones now that you know it's not that bad!
no subject
They're gone now. Done away with, no longer participants in shaping Fodlan's future. Duplicity did not give them more freedom in this capacity: they fought for it themselves. If anything, Duplicity is further imposing a barrier to certain relations... He's not sure if Bernadetta can see the invisible one standing between them now.]
It was lovely. I would absolutely do it again.
[With her, he hopes, again. In Duplicity, it feels as though the closest thing to any relationship that should culminate into marriage is impossible for them. It isn't even an option. At the very least, no one is going to blink an eye at two Submissives holding hands and kissing in the corner of a tea room. Though, thanks in part to Duplicity's influence, that is why they felt emboldened enough to do this, knowing that this sort of intimacy bleeds outside of the relationships they both were used to confining them in... even without the prospect of marriage hovering over their heads. Just pure, physical affection, a type of romantic feeling floating within him he can't seem to pen in. It isn't the first time he's felt this way since coming here, and perhaps that part of it is most confusing of all. What is he supposed to do with them all?
He squeezes her hand.]
You seem rather... optimistic about this place.
no subject
But if I weren't even a little bit optimistic, I think I'd just... Well, you know me. I'd be a mess. [ She tries to laugh it off, fiddling with her the hem of her sweater. Honestly, she's still sort of a disaster. Maybe finding a contract was the one good thing she'd managed to do here - but... today's the last day of the month. Bernie knew what that meant - she'd probably have to be taken to the center over the next week or so. It was half a choice, and half not - it's not like it's easy to seek people out, find ways to sleep with them. Actually ask. Not once, but three times? So she simply hadn't. But no one had to know that.
She gives Ferdinand a little smile. ]
It's starting to get a little easier, though, with you and Hubert around.
no subject
You have the right of it. I see no sense in drooping with the weight of the pessimism this place seems to bear upon people. I, too, would be worse for the wear without you and Hubert around. I will never take that for granted.
[He'd wanted to add Annette, but can't for obvious reasons. Who knows? Maybe she was experiencing something similar to what he went through? Of course, it may also be for the best that she not come back at all.]
There is so much to discover, too. About people from completely different lands... I find that in particular quite thrilling.