[Fear for her safety was top on his list of concerns for what the emergency could possibly be. So when she describes her predicament, that weight lifts from him. Nevertheless, the news is staggering, and she's in quite a bind if what she says is true.]
Truly? You and I both know it was there, though. And yet, the authorities are treating you as though you have always been Dominant?
[It occurs to him. He can help her, and he doesn't hesitate.]
Yes. That is exactly what I mean. I am still without a contract, after all. It would work out perfectly.
[It's a very sudden decision that he's making, especially considering how he has options, now. It might be better of him to consult Hubert and Ruby, who he might have otherwise chosen to live with. But he feels sure of this.]
That is something I would have liked, yes. It would be strange without him so near. But I have already started to come to terms with the idea that it might not be feasible while we are both Submissive, so even though it is now that the unexpected has occurred... I will be fine. And so will he. He and I can still meet, and he has Ruby, after all, who is a Dominant now, also.
[He's not sure if she's heard, yet. At any rate...]
But this is not about him, or her. You might not be considering this, but I would like to have you near to me as well. I know that you like your space, that you need ample time to yourself, and I will do my utmost to accommodate your needs and your comfort. But when you do want my presence, well... I think sharing it like this could be quite nice.
[A beat, and then...] I know this is not marriage, and that such a thing really does not exist here, nor can it last. And nor am I proposing it. But I have come a very, very long way from the feelings I once harbored about you as a young fool. I would be more than willing to share a home and a partnership with you.
[ There's a very brief Ruby is a Dominant?? from Bernie, soft and surprised and it could have been thoughtful if she'd had a minute to think it over. Of course Hubert would go to her, he was helpful and went to where he could be of most help, especially to those who were important to him. She nearly even suggests that Ferdinand accompany him, but... she literally bites down on her lip to listen for once. Ferdinand had a lot to say. It served her a lot better if she actually listened to everything.
Except she squeaks and makes indignant little sounds the more he says. The minute he brings up marriage she actually drops her phone. It's good he's on speaker, or else she'd have missed the rest of it.
She picks up her phone quickly. ]
I... but... Are you sure? I'm just me. [ She fiddles around with the screen until she pops up on video, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. Is he there? ]
I don't even have a title here, and our names don't really mean anything, do they? So... I mean... I would be okay sharing my space if it's with you, Ferdinand. That hasn't been a problem in ages. But... you'd have to share with me.
[Out the corner of his eye, he notices the light change, and pulls the phone away from his face. Given that, his immediate reaction is to reciprocate, and he tries to navigate to the video option as he gives his reply.]
Yes! You. That is what I want. [And then... he got it! He smiles at her reassuringly, keeping his screen at a proper distance (but trying not to show too much of the shabby environment of the halfway house...).] Our names and titles, or anything that tied us to the nobility of the Empire do not factor into this even a little. I am way past that. My relationship to you is personal.
[ She looks visibly startled, and she thinks she feels her ears catching fire. She knew all that already of course - their relationship has been personal for a long time. She's loved Ferdinand for a long time, and she's realizing it must have been even longer than she realized it herself.
It's hard to believe when Ferdinand himself is saying it, though, because part of her thinks he might not be telling the truth. Unbidden, her eyes fill with tears as she tries to navigate how that would feel. ]
I think what we have is personal too, Ferdinand. So I hope.. I mean... I don't want you to think we'd do this just because we need to or anything! Because... Because you're a lot more important to me than all that! All those designations and houses and property and things.
[ beat. ]
Ah! And I'd be really happy to see you a lot more, too!
[Her words lift him up, especially her last admission, and it shines through on his face.]
I am awfully glad to hear you say that. I look forward to this! Wow... [He shakes his head, hand resting at his plain, black collar.] I can hardly believe this is happening. We are now able to lawfully join this way. [But then, he starts to notice her teary eyes, which almost brings him to some of his own. He hopes they're a result of overwhelming joy, but concern for otherwise crops up.] Bernadetta... Are you crying?
[ She hastily wipes at her eyes and hiccups. Okay. Yes. Maybe. ]
Maybe a little. I just thought... Well, for a moment, I thought - I was so happy, but then I thought 'what if this isn't real?' What if I'm just imagining it, and... [ She trails off and puts the phone face down. Don't look at her! ]
I don't know if that's worse. Being so happy, and then... realizing it could be taken away so fast. Or that it could be over so quickly.
[Her response makes Ferdinand's heart squeeze with an ache that only grows more poignant the longer she goes on. Her hiding the lens of her phone so he can't see her astonishes him for a split second, makes him feel bad for inciting that reaction by blurting out the obvious, but he's grown used to how squirrely Bernadetta can be in social situations. She just needs to take a moment to hide. Even though he's talking to a blacked screen, he continues holding it up. He'll be visible when she is able to look at him.
He takes a brief pause to process the weight.]
I have been through those feelings. [There's the heaviness of hurt lodged in his voice.] Wondering if anything that I am experiencing is only a lie. That any day now, someone I love will disappear, along with everything that we built together. [Dorothea... Another very brief pause hits him.] Or that maybe I finally leave this place, and nothing I have done here will matter... or that perhaps, I will remember everything I have gone through, but no one else will.
[His face is pinched with this pain. But he fishes himself out of his own emotions to mirror them with Bernadetta's, go over the bridge that he erects with her to connect the damage within them, and realizes he might just be making it worse with his fervent desire to empathize and understand.]
I need not have said all of those things. I fear I might have worsened the pain. What I really want to say is that this is real. We are going to be together now, supporting and caring for each other for as long as we can. I am really here, saying this to you. Would you like for this to feel even more real?
[ Listening to Ferdinand like this is familiar somehow. Part of her thinks it's a little like that time he came to her room to apologize, even if she'd been the one to hurt him. But that makes this easier, and makes picking the phone back up to look at him just as familiar as opening her door a crack. Except this time it's more than a crack, it's a wide open doorway, and she looks at him with wider eyes, all tears really gone after she'd had a moment to wipe her eyes dry. ]
Oh. Yes! I mean... Shall I... Maybe I should come over? [ She cringes, but at least she smiles a little. She's glad the suggestion came from him. ]
I'm sorry. I should have said all this to you in person. Then... I would have known that you're really really here.
[He's smiling at her to the point that his eyes crinkle, outshining the sorrow that lurked there, and he shakes his head at her apology.]
No, do not be sorry. No matter how you conveyed the news, I think that we would end up in each other's presence regardless. Even if it happens after the fact. I want to see you, too, Bernadetta. Let me come to you, instead.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I tagged this on mobile two days ago and to my horror discovered the tag was eaten
Truly? You and I both know it was there, though. And yet, the authorities are treating you as though you have always been Dominant?
[It occurs to him. He can help her, and he doesn't hesitate.]
I can live with you.
maybe mobile was hungry
I guess I need a new one now because I can't stay with Hermes anymore, but...
[ Wait... ]
What do you mean you can live with me? Do you mean...? [ Does he mean what she thinks he means?? ]
MOBILE CAN EAT SOMETHING ELSE
[It's a very sudden decision that he's making, especially considering how he has options, now. It might be better of him to consult Hubert and Ruby, who he might have otherwise chosen to live with. But he feels sure of this.]
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[He's not sure if she's heard, yet. At any rate...]
But this is not about him, or her. You might not be considering this, but I would like to have you near to me as well. I know that you like your space, that you need ample time to yourself, and I will do my utmost to accommodate your needs and your comfort. But when you do want my presence, well... I think sharing it like this could be quite nice.
[A beat, and then...] I know this is not marriage, and that such a thing really does not exist here, nor can it last. And nor am I proposing it. But I have come a very, very long way from the feelings I once harbored about you as a young fool. I would be more than willing to share a home and a partnership with you.
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Except she squeaks and makes indignant little sounds the more he says. The minute he brings up marriage she actually drops her phone. It's good he's on speaker, or else she'd have missed the rest of it.
She picks up her phone quickly. ]
I... but... Are you sure? I'm just me. [ She fiddles around with the screen until she pops up on video, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. Is he there? ]
I don't even have a title here, and our names don't really mean anything, do they? So... I mean... I would be okay sharing my space if it's with you, Ferdinand. That hasn't been a problem in ages. But... you'd have to share with me.
[ And that's... Very different, isn't it? ]
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Yes! You. That is what I want. [And then... he got it! He smiles at her reassuringly, keeping his screen at a proper distance (but trying not to show too much of the shabby environment of the halfway house...).] Our names and titles, or anything that tied us to the nobility of the Empire do not factor into this even a little. I am way past that. My relationship to you is personal.
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[ She looks visibly startled, and she thinks she feels her ears catching fire. She knew all that already of course - their relationship has been personal for a long time. She's loved Ferdinand for a long time, and she's realizing it must have been even longer than she realized it herself.
It's hard to believe when Ferdinand himself is saying it, though, because part of her thinks he might not be telling the truth. Unbidden, her eyes fill with tears as she tries to navigate how that would feel. ]
I think what we have is personal too, Ferdinand. So I hope.. I mean... I don't want you to think we'd do this just because we need to or anything! Because... Because you're a lot more important to me than all that! All those designations and houses and property and things.
[ beat. ]
Ah! And I'd be really happy to see you a lot more, too!
[ She just... never knew how to ask for it. ]
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I am awfully glad to hear you say that. I look forward to this! Wow... [He shakes his head, hand resting at his plain, black collar.] I can hardly believe this is happening. We are now able to lawfully join this way. [But then, he starts to notice her teary eyes, which almost brings him to some of his own. He hopes they're a result of overwhelming joy, but concern for otherwise crops up.] Bernadetta... Are you crying?
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[ . . . ]
[ She hastily wipes at her eyes and hiccups. Okay. Yes. Maybe. ]
Maybe a little. I just thought... Well, for a moment, I thought - I was so happy, but then I thought 'what if this isn't real?' What if I'm just imagining it, and... [ She trails off and puts the phone face down. Don't look at her! ]
I don't know if that's worse. Being so happy, and then... realizing it could be taken away so fast. Or that it could be over so quickly.
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He takes a brief pause to process the weight.]
I have been through those feelings. [There's the heaviness of hurt lodged in his voice.] Wondering if anything that I am experiencing is only a lie. That any day now, someone I love will disappear, along with everything that we built together. [Dorothea... Another very brief pause hits him.] Or that maybe I finally leave this place, and nothing I have done here will matter... or that perhaps, I will remember everything I have gone through, but no one else will.
[His face is pinched with this pain. But he fishes himself out of his own emotions to mirror them with Bernadetta's, go over the bridge that he erects with her to connect the damage within them, and realizes he might just be making it worse with his fervent desire to empathize and understand.]
I need not have said all of those things. I fear I might have worsened the pain. What I really want to say is that this is real. We are going to be together now, supporting and caring for each other for as long as we can. I am really here, saying this to you. Would you like for this to feel even more real?
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Oh. Yes! I mean... Shall I... Maybe I should come over? [ She cringes, but at least she smiles a little. She's glad the suggestion came from him. ]
I'm sorry. I should have said all this to you in person. Then... I would have known that you're really really here.
I want to see you, Ferdinand.
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No, do not be sorry. No matter how you conveyed the news, I think that we would end up in each other's presence regardless. Even if it happens after the fact. I want to see you, too, Bernadetta. Let me come to you, instead.