[Hubert knows it isn't Ferdinand's fault. He would never do such a thing if he had any control over it. Still, Hubert's anger has to go somewhere. As Ferdinand holds him and murmurs reassurances, though, it fizzles out entirely. He deeply breathes in Ferdinand's vaguely floral scent, and as he does, his muscles seem to relax out the tension that had been holding there for the past month. He allows his weight to lean entirely into his strong friend, just for a moment letting himself feel the relief fully.
Then, the hug feels as though it's getting to a length that is indicative of more than friendship, not to mention it's very unusual for Hubert to hug someone, anyway. In fact, he isn't sure they ever have hugged before. Once, Ferdinand carried him from the battlefield. Or, some Ferdinand did, maybe not this one. Even then he'd been a bit embarrassed by the closeness.
So he pushes himself gently away from the other man, averting his eyes and forcing himself to regain his stoic composure.]
Ah, shall I get you something? Tea? I admit, I wasn't expecting you, so I probably don't have anything of high enough quality.
[He moves to the kitchen as an excuse not to address or linger on what just occurred.]
[When Hubert begins to snap out of it, the spell cast over Ferdinand breaks too, and he begins to realize himself. Embarrassment starts to smolder and he straightens away from him.]
At this point, I am in no position to be so discerning. I will happily take the best of whatever you have with no complaint.
[And he also happily takes the segue away from the sudden awkwardness generated by their protracted emotional reunion to salvage some sense of normality... not to mention the cloud of butterflies released after holding Hubert von Vestra like that. They had never even hugged before, and here they were, sharing in such reassuring affection so tenderly.
Ferdinand can readily dismiss it as a product of their situation. They are both enduring a lot of stress. Sure, they have already done that together and more with the war, but even though he hadn't gone to the academy expecting one to break out when it did, at least he had trained for the battles that would come. What straits they find each other in are a frightening new beast altogether. And though he tries to look away from reality right now, something between them is changing shape again. It has been transforming, from envisioning the prospects of meeting quota with and accepting him as his dominant to being stripped and tied up and played with. How all of it makes him feel, he makes little effort to examine, as if it is something he is not supposed to do.
He follows along at a distance and plants himself at the nearest table, folding his arms over the table and lacing his fingers.]
So, a whole month has passed by... How have you been managing so far?
[He pushes away the residual warm feelings he got from the weight of Ferdinand's hand on him, the lock of his hair that brushed against his face, that Goddess-damned familiar smell that he unconsciously associates with home...
Instead he focuses laser-sharp on the tea preparations, choosing the best herbal tea he currently has, not wanting Ferdinand to consume caffeine so late. It's a rose-petal blend, and he may or may not have specifically bought it for Ferdinand when he'd been staying with him a month ago. He disappeared before he could have any of it, so Hubert opens the package now.]
Well. I suppose there is one good thing about your disappearance. You did not have to endure the experiments they put us through.
[He stares at the electric kettle as it heats, his brow furrowed. He doesn't elaborate.]
[His hands separate to push at the table, as if bracing himself against this delivery of foreboding news.]
Experiments? [It feels as though he's swallowed cold lead. His mind rushes at the possibilities he does not want to think of, all that could be painful, invasive, humiliating, and mind-warping. What makes him shudder even more is that they happened to people he cares deeply about, and the outrage of how these deranged villains can get away with it all simmers, too.] Tell me what happened. Please.
[Hubert sighs at Ferdinand's urgently concerned tone as he pours the boiling water into two mugs of tea. He knows if roles were reversed, Hubert would feel absolutely sick to hear about this, so as he sits across from Ferdinand and passes him his mug, he reassures him:]
We are all okay now, so do not fret yourself into a tizzy. This was a few weeks ago. We were all forcefully removed from our homes and taken to a medical facility of sorts. They dosed us with a myriad of different types of drugs and put us in rooms to play out sexual scenarios of their choosing or other forms of unusual torture. They watched us through cameras and two-way mirrors. It lasted several days.
[He sighs again, looking down at the cup in his hands. He'd hoped it wouldn't sound so bad when he said it out loud, but it does. He isn't sure if he should elaborate further, or if that will just upset Ferdinand, so he waits to see if his friend has questions.]
[If only the pleasantly light rosy aroma drifting on the steam were enough to carry his worries away, too. He cradles it closer, curious to find out how it tastes but not wanting to burn his tongue. He looks up at Hubert with concern and on tenterhooks, face losing color. It sounded a lot like orientation, only worse, more invasive.]
Several days... of that? [he reflects.] How can I not fret about you having to go through such prolonged indignities? What... What sorts of sexual scenarios? Unusual... torture? What does that mean?
[Ah, yes. It would appear that Ferdinand is asking all the questions. He doesn't really want to know. But he also cannot imagine going forward living with the weight of knowing these people had messed with Hubert, Bernadetta, Annette, or anyone else while being in the dark as to how they experienced it. It almost doesn't seem fair that he got a free pass to remain relatively untouched and unscathed by what Duplicity is probably going to keep doing. That is a haunting thought as well, and he doesn't feel ready to deal with something as horrid as sexual experiments and exploitation at all. Knowing could at least prepare him for what else they might be in for. How can Hubert possibly be okay, even if he claims he is now? His heart hurts that he did, and that he wasn't there for him, couldn't do anything to stop it.]
[Hubert cringes internally, knowing this won't be easy to hear, but he ought to just rip the band-aid off. He needs to know what kinds of things can happen here.]
Being given aphrodisiacs and made to fuck a stranger. They put drugs in the food or forced us to take them. Drugs that make pain feel good, or make you feel drunk, or make you tell the truth. I encountered a vampire who drank from me. Quite a vast array of experiences, some almost pleasant, some not.
They also... Know things about us. They know I am a sadist, so they set up an experiment where I had to hurt people. They also know I am prone to paranoia, so they gave me a drug that enhanced that. I...
[He looks down at his cup. This part is apparently hard to discuss.]
I hallucinated another participant as Thales, and tried to kill him. I was convinced the whole program was run by Those Who Slither, and I'd have to kill them all to get back home to Her Majesty. I was... Completely terrified. I have scarcely been so frightened, even in battle.
[He worries his lip between his teeth, lowering his voice.]
After that, I was so afraid of being drugged again that I did not eat for a long time. I collapsed on my way home, but a friend found me and helped.
[He hopes Ferdinand won't chastise him for not eating. He is so tired of it. Is there not something rational about not wanting to go through that again? Especially in a place where he knew the food was often tainted?]
[Just as he had been fearing, the details are what slither beneath his skin the most. Drugs that are capable of forcing truths? A vampire? But it gets worse, especially for someone as secretive as Hubert. It's one thing to have one's body laid bare, but all the details of his past, who he is, and using one of his traits against him to force him to hallucinate and slaughter. Hubert even betrays how much this truly got to him in his expression, how much more tired he looks in this moment, his waned voice. Being able to glimpse vulnerability in Hubert is a rare thing, for he always guards it so closely. That is why it's all the more impactful, and it drags Ferdinand's heart beneath the earth. He even forgets he was looking forward to sipping the freshly brewed tea before him.]
Hubert... [He looks and sounds like he's about to shed tears for him.] I don't know what to say. That is just so...
[If he wanted to hug him before, he wants to crush him now. Keep him close, like his arms could be a fortress that makes him invincible. But it feels like that might cause him to react poorly, so he settles for stretching his arm across the table to deliver a hand tight to his shoulder, to communicate what supportiveness words fail to do.]
It is horrendous. Violating. Far worse than the battlefield. And I... am sorry. For failing to be there. I don't know what I could have done, but any fight you endure, I just... want to endure it alongside you.
[This moment of emotion from Ferdinand hits Hubert differently. He cannot possibly brush this off as the dramatics the other is so prone to. He seems truly, tremendously hurt by what Hubert went through, and what he says to validate his pain actually helps more than what anyone else has said or done to react. He's mostly talked to others who also went through the experiments, so there is a sense of acceptance, that this is just what happens here. But Ferdinand is still so new, and did not experience it, and the outside perspective reminds Hubert that no, this is not normal or okay.
But at the mention of Ferdinand not being there, he gets a despairing feeling, and an edge creeps into his voice.]
I don't want you to endure anything like this, Ferdinand. I can't see this happen to you.
[Hubert may be inexperienced, but Ferdinand is different. Hubert feels more fiercely protective of him than anyone else here. Of anyone else in general besides Edelgard. If he were in Ferdinand's shoes right now, hearing of these things happening to him, Hubert would snap.]
But there is no way for me to protect you--
[His voice cracks and falters, the pain of the statement making him lose his breath. He still looks down, trying not to be reduced to tears.
The worst possible outcome, worse still than himself getting hurt. Ferdinand being hurt, or stripped of his innocence, or violated, and Hubert able to do nothing but stand by, or hear about it later. This is not like the war, where Hubert could order troops to bolster his ally, or swoop in to protect Ferdinand himself. This is much different. Here, they know exactly how to strip you of control, and it's terrifying.]
Nonsense. We may not be able to protect each other from everything in this wretched place, but it does not mean we cannot try where we can succeed.
[The hand slips from his shoulder down his arm until it settles atop his hand. Ferdinand's insistence glows in his eyes, as if to spite the darkness of this new breed of despair trying to swallow them up.] Take me as your contract partner, just to name an example. That would put you in a better position to help me, and the same goes for me to you. Would it not? And it does not stop there.
[There it is, that persevering optimism, the trait that Hubert once told Ferdinand was the only quality he liked about him. It was far from the truth. There are many things to love about Ferdinand von Aegir.
He isn't sure why his breath hitches audibly at the mention of becoming contract partners. It evens again when Ferdinand clarifies it as hypothetical.]
Yes, but even contracted individuals were taken to the facility, Ferdinand. And while there, there was nothing a dominant could do to interfere with the experiments, not even to protect their submissive.
[In Dazai's case, his dominant was told to hurt him, and he obliged.]
That is not my point. I am not trying to say that being contracted would have done anything to prevent what happened. I am merely stating that it is among many of the ways that we can look out for each other while we are here.
[Whoa, watch out! He's taking his hand with both of his now, as if he could transmit his determination even better that way!]
I am still new and untested, so perhaps my words ring a bit hollow to you... but I do not believe in simply rolling over in defeat to accept our straits. And no matter what happens to us, we will be much more resilient in the face of our grim future when we have each other to lean on. That is how I feel, at least. We get hit and avoid bonuses too
[He wishes he could feel the same kind of sincere hope that Ferdinand always seems able to muster. But Hubert is always a pragmatist, a pessimist.
Still, he smiles a little at the comment about not rolling over to accept this. Hubert remembers more than one duplicity resident he met who had a beaten down attitude when telling Hubert about this place. He also remembers Huaisang saying that of the hundreds of people he's met in duplicity, he believes Hubert specifically might be able to make a change. They have to at least try. It would be wrong not to.
Ferdinand's hands warm his own, even through his glove. Hubert thought he'd lost him, and was only comforted by the fact that he may have gone home. It's extremely selfish to feel so grateful for him to be back in this awful world, and all he can do to redeem that selfish desire is to make this world more bearable for Ferdinand wherever he can.]
I will do everything in my power for you.
[A contract, civil disobedience, murder, threats, sex, any and all of it.]
And I will smite anyone who dares take advantage of your position to mistreat you. Including these authorities.
[The conviction of his pledge gives Ferdinand goosebumps. Why, the gravity with which he says it now makes it almost feel as though these words were meant for their emperor, which tickles him to an unreasonable degree, like he was somehow beating her in one of his puerile contests for superiority... over Hubert's devotion. He stops short of making a quip about it, having just enough discretion to maybe not remind him of the fact that he remains uprooted from the center of his universe right now, his reason for being, and instead he just has, well, him to stand by these days. Nonetheless, drinking in his words, he grins hard enough to crinkle at his eyes, squeezing his hand before letting them go at last, straightening and picking his mug back up to bring it closer to his coloring face.]
For me...? Hearing you say that reminds me of how long of a way we have come... Well, I cannot have you being the only one of us willing to put everything on the line for the other. I will not be outdone. I will not let being a submissive stop me from doing all that I can for you in return.
[At "I will not be outdone," Hubert's dour expression finally breaks into something lighter and softer. Were the mood before this not so heavy, he might have even laughed. Instead, a small exhale is given through his nose.]
I would not, in one million years, expect you to let your status hold you back.
[That would simply not be Ferdinand von Aegir.]
Drink your tea before it gets cold. I want to hear your opinion of it.
[Hubert has a discerning palate, but Ferdinand's taste for tea is unparalleled. He smiles, giving that exhale again as he remembers something.]
When I first arrived in Duplicity, I had just gotten settled in my apartment and was wandering the halls. I ran into a man named Huaisang, who is now a friend of mine. He taught me how my microwave worked by heating a mug of water in it. I found some poor quality tea bags in the cabinet and threw one into the cup, not wanting to waste the water, and he looked so disgusted with me. He insisted we get rid of it rather than drink such a sub-par beverage. I burst into the laughter of a man gone insane. I never thought I would meet someone quite so snobby about tea as you are, especially not here. And I realized in that moment that... I missed you. I wanted you here.
[And it was only the first day. He looks down at his cup.]
That was only a taste of what I felt in this past month. I do hope you didn't see all of my messages. I suppose one might say... I am finished with taking you for granted.
[At being told to drink his tea, Ferdinand wastes no more time talking and, as he introduces the floral tea to his palate, he listens to Hubert's story. Both the wonderful taste of it and the mention of someone he met earlier that he took a real shining to light up in his face, and he's rapt with attention, smiling with amusement at the story, and toward the end, with some sadness that pools from his sympathy.]
I am touched that you would miss me so, even though the turmoil I put you through is regrettable. I will not lie; shortly after waking, I saw the entire log of your messages and your missed calls, and that is what prompted me to contact you with no further delay. [He's so eager to tell Hubert his opinion that he skips along into that topic, also sensing that talking for too long about his slew of messages is prone to just embarrass him.] By the way, this tea has exceeded my 'snobby' expectations. It is delightfully smooth, and as soothing and heartening to the senses as burying my face into a fresh-cut bouquet of roses that were picked for me. [He takes another sip.]
[Hubert is embarrassed by his own expression of vulnerability, and the fact that Ferdinand saw everything he sent. He sounded like an absolute madman in those messages. He's grateful the conversation quickly moves on to the tea. He sips it himself, acting like he too is considering the flavour, but he couldn't care less.]
Good. I forgot I had gotten it when you first came to stay.
[He doesn't say he got it for Ferdinand, but he did. He didn't even touch it while his friend was gone.
Seeing Ferdinand happy calms Hubert further. He doesn't seem traumatized at all by whatever happened to him in the past month, doesn't seem fearful or distant or drugged. He's his usual self, but Hubert still has the nagging fear that he's just going to disappear again.]
Will you stay here tonight? Just to ensure that... That your health is not a concern. I'd like to monitor you for any potential ill effects of your kidnapping.
[Very smooth excuse, Hubert... Really, he just feels desperately anxious about Ferdinand leaving and never coming back.]
[Does that mean he got it with him in mind...? It wouldn't be the first time. Hubert wouldn't get tea for himself. Ferdinand sips it again to feel the warmth of the drink mingle with that of the thought. People can say all they want about Hubert, but he's really a true and thoughtful friend at the heart of it all.
Ferdinand can sense the desperation lurking in the suggestion. It isn't found in the quality of his voice, but simply knowing how he made him feel when he went missing. It's only natural to be put on edge like that, especially when there is so much about this realm, the study, and just who (or what) is in charge of it that needs making sense of. The closer he can be to Hubert, the more ease he will be put at.
To be honest, the same could be said for himself. He doesn't like the idea of going back Down, of leaving the comfort of Hubert's familiarity even with this high-strung edge worked into him by things that should rightfully rattle anyone. He seems a lot better after securing him in his company, which is further proof to Ferdinand that they really are better with each other than without.]
If you would have me, it would be my pleasure. There is nowhere else in all of Duplicity that I would rather be. I feel more at home here than I ever do in my run-down apartment... and the bed is much softer. Sleep should come easier.
[Hubert smiles, and it's genuine and warm, not sinister. He's relieved that Ferdinand actually wants to stay. He visibly relaxes.
He briefly thinks of asking Ferdinand to share his bed. No, that wouldn't be appropriate. And even if it were, it feels impossible to ask for. He's shown far too much of himself already. He must shake this strange, desperate feeling. It's ridiculous.]
Good. Let me know how I can make you more comfortable. You still have some clothing here. If you're hungry, I'm sure I can find something for you.
You really do know how to court a submissive. [he retorts with playful humor decorating his tone. Mocking this society's major emphasis on these roles may never get old. Besides, they aren't really courting...!
Or... are they? Memories of their proximity, the intensity of intimacy that passed between them that they have all but buried by not bringing up, flash-flood his mind because of that remark. A strange, floaty warmth thrums in his chest with that combined with how he gets to stay the night and have his needs met by him now, and he tries very hard to abandon the thought of their LIEs-mandated rendezvous meaning anything for how they feel about each other now. At any rate, he can't look at Hubert for a moment, so he takes the excuse of wanting another long drink of tea to hide his face and let it cool over.]
[They both acknowledge this as a joke, but then there's an awkward silence that suggests they're both thinking about what it might be like if that weren't a joke. Or, Hubert is, anyway. He realizes there's now a certain tension between them, probably because of what happened when Hubert tied him up. It was... Intense, for both of them, and Hubert would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it many times, even dreamed about it, since.
But Ferdinand confirms that what he said is, in fact, a joke, and Hubert mentally takes his offer to share a bed completely off the table.
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Then, the hug feels as though it's getting to a length that is indicative of more than friendship, not to mention it's very unusual for Hubert to hug someone, anyway. In fact, he isn't sure they ever have hugged before. Once, Ferdinand carried him from the battlefield. Or, some Ferdinand did, maybe not this one. Even then he'd been a bit embarrassed by the closeness.
So he pushes himself gently away from the other man, averting his eyes and forcing himself to regain his stoic composure.]
Ah, shall I get you something? Tea? I admit, I wasn't expecting you, so I probably don't have anything of high enough quality.
[He moves to the kitchen as an excuse not to address or linger on what just occurred.]
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At this point, I am in no position to be so discerning. I will happily take the best of whatever you have with no complaint.
[And he also happily takes the segue away from the sudden awkwardness generated by their protracted emotional reunion to salvage some sense of normality... not to mention the cloud of butterflies released after holding Hubert von Vestra like that. They had never even hugged before, and here they were, sharing in such reassuring affection so tenderly.
Ferdinand can readily dismiss it as a product of their situation. They are both enduring a lot of stress. Sure, they have already done that together and more with the war, but even though he hadn't gone to the academy expecting one to break out when it did, at least he had trained for the battles that would come. What straits they find each other in are a frightening new beast altogether. And though he tries to look away from reality right now, something between them is changing shape again. It has been transforming, from envisioning the prospects of meeting quota with and accepting him as his dominant to being stripped and tied up and played with. How all of it makes him feel, he makes little effort to examine, as if it is something he is not supposed to do.
He follows along at a distance and plants himself at the nearest table, folding his arms over the table and lacing his fingers.]
So, a whole month has passed by... How have you been managing so far?
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Instead he focuses laser-sharp on the tea preparations, choosing the best herbal tea he currently has, not wanting Ferdinand to consume caffeine so late. It's a rose-petal blend, and he may or may not have specifically bought it for Ferdinand when he'd been staying with him a month ago. He disappeared before he could have any of it, so Hubert opens the package now.]
Well. I suppose there is one good thing about your disappearance. You did not have to endure the experiments they put us through.
[He stares at the electric kettle as it heats, his brow furrowed. He doesn't elaborate.]
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Experiments? [It feels as though he's swallowed cold lead. His mind rushes at the possibilities he does not want to think of, all that could be painful, invasive, humiliating, and mind-warping. What makes him shudder even more is that they happened to people he cares deeply about, and the outrage of how these deranged villains can get away with it all simmers, too.] Tell me what happened. Please.
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We are all okay now, so do not fret yourself into a tizzy. This was a few weeks ago. We were all forcefully removed from our homes and taken to a medical facility of sorts. They dosed us with a myriad of different types of drugs and put us in rooms to play out sexual scenarios of their choosing or other forms of unusual torture. They watched us through cameras and two-way mirrors. It lasted several days.
[He sighs again, looking down at the cup in his hands. He'd hoped it wouldn't sound so bad when he said it out loud, but it does. He isn't sure if he should elaborate further, or if that will just upset Ferdinand, so he waits to see if his friend has questions.]
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Several days... of that? [he reflects.] How can I not fret about you having to go through such prolonged indignities? What... What sorts of sexual scenarios? Unusual... torture? What does that mean?
[Ah, yes. It would appear that Ferdinand is asking all the questions. He doesn't really want to know. But he also cannot imagine going forward living with the weight of knowing these people had messed with Hubert, Bernadetta, Annette, or anyone else while being in the dark as to how they experienced it. It almost doesn't seem fair that he got a free pass to remain relatively untouched and unscathed by what Duplicity is probably going to keep doing. That is a haunting thought as well, and he doesn't feel ready to deal with something as horrid as sexual experiments and exploitation at all. Knowing could at least prepare him for what else they might be in for. How can Hubert possibly be okay, even if he claims he is now? His heart hurts that he did, and that he wasn't there for him, couldn't do anything to stop it.]
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Being given aphrodisiacs and made to fuck a stranger. They put drugs in the food or forced us to take them. Drugs that make pain feel good, or make you feel drunk, or make you tell the truth. I encountered a vampire who drank from me. Quite a vast array of experiences, some almost pleasant, some not.
They also... Know things about us. They know I am a sadist, so they set up an experiment where I had to hurt people. They also know I am prone to paranoia, so they gave me a drug that enhanced that. I...
[He looks down at his cup. This part is apparently hard to discuss.]
I hallucinated another participant as Thales, and tried to kill him. I was convinced the whole program was run by Those Who Slither, and I'd have to kill them all to get back home to Her Majesty. I was... Completely terrified. I have scarcely been so frightened, even in battle.
[He worries his lip between his teeth, lowering his voice.]
After that, I was so afraid of being drugged again that I did not eat for a long time. I collapsed on my way home, but a friend found me and helped.
[He hopes Ferdinand won't chastise him for not eating. He is so tired of it. Is there not something rational about not wanting to go through that again? Especially in a place where he knew the food was often tainted?]
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Hubert... [He looks and sounds like he's about to shed tears for him.] I don't know what to say. That is just so...
[If he wanted to hug him before, he wants to crush him now. Keep him close, like his arms could be a fortress that makes him invincible. But it feels like that might cause him to react poorly, so he settles for stretching his arm across the table to deliver a hand tight to his shoulder, to communicate what supportiveness words fail to do.]
It is horrendous. Violating. Far worse than the battlefield. And I... am sorry. For failing to be there. I don't know what I could have done, but any fight you endure, I just... want to endure it alongside you.
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But at the mention of Ferdinand not being there, he gets a despairing feeling, and an edge creeps into his voice.]
I don't want you to endure anything like this, Ferdinand. I can't see this happen to you.
[Hubert may be inexperienced, but Ferdinand is different. Hubert feels more fiercely protective of him than anyone else here. Of anyone else in general besides Edelgard. If he were in Ferdinand's shoes right now, hearing of these things happening to him, Hubert would snap.]
But there is no way for me to protect you--
[His voice cracks and falters, the pain of the statement making him lose his breath. He still looks down, trying not to be reduced to tears.
The worst possible outcome, worse still than himself getting hurt. Ferdinand being hurt, or stripped of his innocence, or violated, and Hubert able to do nothing but stand by, or hear about it later. This is not like the war, where Hubert could order troops to bolster his ally, or swoop in to protect Ferdinand himself. This is much different. Here, they know exactly how to strip you of control, and it's terrifying.]
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[The hand slips from his shoulder down his arm until it settles atop his hand. Ferdinand's insistence glows in his eyes, as if to spite the darkness of this new breed of despair trying to swallow them up.] Take me as your contract partner, just to name an example. That would put you in a better position to help me, and the same goes for me to you. Would it not? And it does not stop there.
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He isn't sure why his breath hitches audibly at the mention of becoming contract partners. It evens again when Ferdinand clarifies it as hypothetical.]
Yes, but even contracted individuals were taken to the facility, Ferdinand. And while there, there was nothing a dominant could do to interfere with the experiments, not even to protect their submissive.
[In Dazai's case, his dominant was told to hurt him, and he obliged.]
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That is not my point. I am not trying to say that being contracted would have done anything to prevent what happened. I am merely stating that it is among many of the ways that we can look out for each other while we are here.
[Whoa, watch out! He's taking his hand with both of his now, as if he could transmit his determination even better that way!]
I am still new and untested, so perhaps my words ring a bit hollow to you... but I do not believe in simply rolling over in defeat to accept our straits. And no matter what happens to us, we will be much more resilient in the face of our grim future when we have each other to lean on. That is how I feel, at least.
We get hit and avoid bonuses toono subject
Still, he smiles a little at the comment about not rolling over to accept this. Hubert remembers more than one duplicity resident he met who had a beaten down attitude when telling Hubert about this place. He also remembers Huaisang saying that of the hundreds of people he's met in duplicity, he believes Hubert specifically might be able to make a change. They have to at least try. It would be wrong not to.
Ferdinand's hands warm his own, even through his glove. Hubert thought he'd lost him, and was only comforted by the fact that he may have gone home. It's extremely selfish to feel so grateful for him to be back in this awful world, and all he can do to redeem that selfish desire is to make this world more bearable for Ferdinand wherever he can.]
I will do everything in my power for you.
[A contract, civil disobedience, murder, threats, sex, any and all of it.]
And I will smite anyone who dares take advantage of your position to mistreat you. Including these authorities.
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For me...? Hearing you say that reminds me of how long of a way we have come... Well, I cannot have you being the only one of us willing to put everything on the line for the other. I will not be outdone. I will not let being a submissive stop me from doing all that I can for you in return.
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I would not, in one million years, expect you to let your status hold you back.
[That would simply not be Ferdinand von Aegir.]
Drink your tea before it gets cold. I want to hear your opinion of it.
[Hubert has a discerning palate, but Ferdinand's taste for tea is unparalleled. He smiles, giving that exhale again as he remembers something.]
When I first arrived in Duplicity, I had just gotten settled in my apartment and was wandering the halls. I ran into a man named Huaisang, who is now a friend of mine. He taught me how my microwave worked by heating a mug of water in it. I found some poor quality tea bags in the cabinet and threw one into the cup, not wanting to waste the water, and he looked so disgusted with me. He insisted we get rid of it rather than drink such a sub-par beverage. I burst into the laughter of a man gone insane. I never thought I would meet someone quite so snobby about tea as you are, especially not here. And I realized in that moment that... I missed you. I wanted you here.
[And it was only the first day. He looks down at his cup.]
That was only a taste of what I felt in this past month. I do hope you didn't see all of my messages. I suppose one might say... I am finished with taking you for granted.
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I am touched that you would miss me so, even though the turmoil I put you through is regrettable. I will not lie; shortly after waking, I saw the entire log of your messages and your missed calls, and that is what prompted me to contact you with no further delay. [He's so eager to tell Hubert his opinion that he skips along into that topic, also sensing that talking for too long about his slew of messages is prone to just embarrass him.] By the way, this tea has exceeded my 'snobby' expectations. It is delightfully smooth, and as soothing and heartening to the senses as burying my face into a fresh-cut bouquet of roses that were picked for me. [He takes another sip.]
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Good. I forgot I had gotten it when you first came to stay.
[He doesn't say he got it for Ferdinand, but he did. He didn't even touch it while his friend was gone.
Seeing Ferdinand happy calms Hubert further. He doesn't seem traumatized at all by whatever happened to him in the past month, doesn't seem fearful or distant or drugged. He's his usual self, but Hubert still has the nagging fear that he's just going to disappear again.]
Will you stay here tonight? Just to ensure that... That your health is not a concern. I'd like to monitor you for any potential ill effects of your kidnapping.
[Very smooth excuse, Hubert... Really, he just feels desperately anxious about Ferdinand leaving and never coming back.]
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Ferdinand can sense the desperation lurking in the suggestion. It isn't found in the quality of his voice, but simply knowing how he made him feel when he went missing. It's only natural to be put on edge like that, especially when there is so much about this realm, the study, and just who (or what) is in charge of it that needs making sense of. The closer he can be to Hubert, the more ease he will be put at.
To be honest, the same could be said for himself. He doesn't like the idea of going back Down, of leaving the comfort of Hubert's familiarity even with this high-strung edge worked into him by things that should rightfully rattle anyone. He seems a lot better after securing him in his company, which is further proof to Ferdinand that they really are better with each other than without.]
If you would have me, it would be my pleasure. There is nowhere else in all of Duplicity that I would rather be. I feel more at home here than I ever do in my run-down apartment... and the bed is much softer. Sleep should come easier.
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He briefly thinks of asking Ferdinand to share his bed. No, that wouldn't be appropriate. And even if it were, it feels impossible to ask for. He's shown far too much of himself already. He must shake this strange, desperate feeling. It's ridiculous.]
Good. Let me know how I can make you more comfortable. You still have some clothing here. If you're hungry, I'm sure I can find something for you.
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Or... are they? Memories of their proximity, the intensity of intimacy that passed between them that they have all but buried by not bringing up, flash-flood his mind because of that remark. A strange, floaty warmth thrums in his chest with that combined with how he gets to stay the night and have his needs met by him now, and he tries very hard to abandon the thought of their LIEs-mandated rendezvous meaning anything for how they feel about each other now. At any rate, he can't look at Hubert for a moment, so he takes the excuse of wanting another long drink of tea to hide his face and let it cool over.]
Jests aside, I appreciate you accommodating me.
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But Ferdinand confirms that what he said is, in fact, a joke, and Hubert mentally takes his offer to share a bed completely off the table.
He nods.]
Of course.
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